Background: My mother buys cookies and other snacks for my brother which he is instructed to keep in his room locked in a safe so she can’t get to them. No, I’m not kidding. She went grocery shopping today and brought home Chips Ahoy! for my brother.
Mom: You already locked up the cookies, you ass wipe!
Brother: Yes, I did.
Mom: I wanted one! You’re such a jerk!
Brother: They’re my cookies.
Mom: Go get me a cookie!
Brother: You look like a cookie! You can’t have any.
Mom: Ass wipe.