Overheard: At Home

Background: My mother buys cookies and other snacks for my brother which he is instructed to keep in his room locked in a safe so she can’t get to them. No, I’m not kidding. She went grocery shopping today and brought home Chips Ahoy! for my brother.

Mom: You already locked up the cookies, you ass wipe!

Brother: Yes, I did.

Mom: I wanted one! You’re such a jerk!

Brother: They’re my cookies.

Mom: Go get me a cookie!

Brother: You look like a cookie! You can’t have any.

Mom: Ass wipe.

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